Wanting to Work Blues

I’ve been thinking about going back to work, somehow, but there are many obstacles to tackle:

Childcare–affordability, and childcare during school breaks/sick days!?

Schools–dropping off and picking up, also finding an accommodating position within these hours or a sitter for after-school pick up.

Resume Gap due to being a SAHM–not a big worry, but add that to being a mom, a plus sized one, and an “older” woman—Arghhh!

I get sick a lot, and have carpal tunnel-ish symptoms.

At the moment I have no work clothes.

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I may need to be able to earn a full wage at some point as well, and function as a single parent. Despite all this I want to stay positive and hopeful, that I can find something within my range that I can do.

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Nerve wracking, isn’t it? So much for staying positive. It lasts about a minute. The obstacles to becoming a self sufficient provider for your kids, as a woman, and a person without a “career” or “marketable skill” are just enormous.  Damn.

Almost makes fixing a marriage or accepting your lot look easier. Sell yourself for ease of existence. Sex for security. For food and shelter. Accept your lot and change your attitude–a la religious doctrine or Stepford Wives.

I’m mad at myself for not being a strong woman, a well worked woman, a person who knows themself…before getting married and producing kids. It would help so much to know firmly that I CAN take care of myself. Even if you choose to stay home and raise kids, it is beneficial to know you can fall back on yourself if need be, it might even give you a paid hobby–you know something “grown up” to do on the side, once they get older. Once you have kids, it is so much harder to get your footing and find the time, money, or childcare arrangements to get yourself into a better position. Men can be damn good husbands but they will never fulfill you. You need to fulfill yourself first, and keep doing it once married and with kids.

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