FLOTSAM

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lickystickypickyme:

As long as you are a parent you will be judged and will be given unwanted advice:

“I can’t believe that you drank coke during pregnancy. only drank warm milk. Your baby will probably have ADD.”

“You drank store-bought milk? That’s loaded with antibiotics and steroids. Your baby is like a tiny Incredible Hulk.  I only drank milk from my own personal cow.”

“You drank raw milk during a mad-cow epidemic. How terribly irresponsible. I drank only purified bottled water from artesian wells.”

Bottled water? Fabulous. So you’re the reason why my child will inherit a world filled with overflowing trash dumps. Way to shit on Mother Nature, asshole.  I drank tap water from one, reusable cup. I even brought it with me to the hospital during labor.”

“You had your baby in a hospital? How cold and meaningless for you. I had my baby at home and my other children helped with the birth and then my husband cooked the placenta for us to eat.”

“So you forced your family to become cannibals. How wonderful for them. We planted our placenta with a sapling in the park to celebrate life.”

You disposed of medical waste in the park. OUR PARK? Are you fucking kidding me? My kid is playing under a placenta tree? You don’t keep the placenta. You throw it away.”

“You threw away your placenta?! WHAT THE FUCK DID I JUST SAY ABOUT THE OVERFLOWING LANDFILLS? Why aren’t you composting? It’s like you’re TRYING to destroy the earth.”

“Well, maybe I am. Maybe me and ‘my hulk baby’ are trying to destroy the world using only store-bought milk and my placenta.”

“Oh my God, you are totally over-reacting. I blame all that store-bought milk in your system.”

“YOU WOULDN’T LIKE ME WHEN I’M ANGRY.”

“Oh, is that a TV reference? We don’t own a TV. It’s not good for children.”

Children? With current overpopulation issues you still decided to have children? We have limited resources and your decision is just plain selfish. I’m keeping my IUD, thankyouverymuch.

“YOUR IUD IS MAKING THE BABY JESUS CRY.”

“YOUR ANTIQUATED RELIGIOUS VIEWS ARE TEACHING MY CHILDREN INTOLERANCE.”

“YOUR CANNIBAL BABY JUST BIT MY BABY BECAUSE YOU TAUGHT IT TO HAVE A TASTE FOR HUMAN BLOOD.”

“TERRY, DON’T BITE THE HULK BABY.  IT’S FULL OF STEROIDS AND RAGE.”

“I WILL KILL EVERYONE.”

source

 

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