Well, that was cathartic.
As soon as I wrote everything down, I felt like the weight had been lifted. That was good.
My mind still worked on the issue of being caught between desire for self fulfillment and familial obligation. And that was OK. It takes awhile to pin words and thoughts down. I googled a bit and played with terminology…self denial, motherhood, self efficacy, etc. Lots of religious content propping up self sacrifice in parenting. Psychology today hit the issue on the head, but I found the suggestions lacking: it is OK to have mixed feelings and flail, you must find time for yourself, and put yourself first. I’ve heard this before, and it difficult to do. Obviously. It almost feels contradictory to put oneself first, and to be a wife and mother. Role models please? How do you do that gracefully, and without being selfish or feeling selfish? And something more than going for a pedicure. And some things that can be done without money, and without having access to babysitters or family help—suggestions please?
I want a religious-free discussion of both the hard work and sacrifice put into being a family, and ways to also maintain the self and nurture the spirit. I don’t think I’ve yet found a religious perspective that can do both, or a spiritual, self empowering perspective that takes into consideration parenting obligations.
links to mull over: